Date: Sun, 25 Feb 2007 01:16:21 -0800 (PST)
To: sidesplitters
Subject: Dictionary for men and women...

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish..................................49.
Adventurous.............................Slept with everyone. 
Athletic................................No breasts.
Average looking.........................Moooo.
Beautiful...............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure......................On medication. 
Feminist................................Fat.
Free Spirit.............................Junkie.
Friendship first........................Former Slut.
New-Age.................................Body hair in the wrong places. 
Old-fashioned...........................No kinky stuff.
Open-minded.............................Desperate.
Outgoing................................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional............................Bitch. 
Voluptuous..............................Very fat.
Large frame.............................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate.........................Stalker.

 DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 

Yes.....................................No
No......................................Yes
Maybe...................................No
We need.................................I want
I am sorry..............................You'll be sorry 
We need to talk.........................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead..........................You better not
Do what you want........................You will pay for this later
I am not upset..........................Of course, I am upset, you moron! 
You're attentive tonight................Is sex all you ever think about?

 DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry.............................I am hungry
I am sleepy.............................I am sleepy 
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
I love you..............................Let's have sex now
I am bored..............................Do you want to have sex? 
May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?................I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?...........I'd like to have sex with you. 
Can I take you out to dinner?...........I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that
 outfit.................................I'm gay.