The Republican Dictionary
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Alternative energy sources - n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.

Bankruptcy - n. A punishable crime when committed by poor people 
                but not corporations.

Cheney, Dick - n. The greater of two evils.

Climate change - n. The day when the blue states are swallowed by the
                    oceans.

Compassionate conservatism - n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

Creationism - n. Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance
                 to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.

DeLay, Tom. - 1. v. Past tense of De Lie; 
              2. n. Patronage saint.

Democracy - n. So extensively exported that the domestic supply  
               is depleted.

Fox News - n. [Probably an Anglicism of the French; Faux News] Fiction.

Free markets - n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

Girly men - n. Males who do not grope women inappropriately.

Growth - n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 
            2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans 
               cut taxes on the rich.

Habeas corpus - n. [Lat.] Archaic Legal term no longer in use 
                   (See Patriot Act).

Healthy forest - n. No tree left behind.

Honesty - n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences 
             -- e.g., "Things are going well in Iraq."

House of Representatives - n. Exclusive club; entry fee 
                              $1 million to $5  million.

Laziness - n. Term used to describe any period of time 
              when the poor are not working.

Leisure time - n. Term used to describe any period of time
                  when the wealthy are not working.

9/11 - n. Tragedy used to justify any administrative policy.

No Child Left Behind - n. Government policy that insures success 
                          for all through guaranteed jobs 
                          in the military.

Ownership society - n. A civilization in which 1 percent of the
                       population controls 90 percent of the wealth.

Patriot Act - n. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent
                 the terrorists from destroying them first.

Senate - n. Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million.

Simplify - v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors.

Stay the course - interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid thing
                                 over and over, regardless of the result.

Voter fraud - n. Term used to describe a significant minority turnout.

Wal-Mart - n. Model for the future nation-state.

Water - n. Arsenic storage device.