Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2004 22:56:31 -0500
To: sidesplitters
Subject: Golf jokes

Golf Jokes

A man comes home from work and is greeted by his wife dressed in
a sexy little nightie. "Tie me up," she purrs, "and you can do
anything you want." So he ties her up and goes out for a round of golf.

      *********

A golfer asked his friend, "Why are you so late?" The friend replied,
"It's Sunday. I had to toss a coin between going to church or playing golf
and it took 25 tosses to get it right!"

      *********

A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular, and your name is
synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the
course. What's your secret?" Nicklaus replied, "The holes are numbered."

      *********

A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3
 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"

The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.

The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The
young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we
pray, we keep our head down."

      *********

An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly acquainted
Scottish golfer. After a bad tee shot, he played a "Mulligan" which was an
extremely good one. He then asked the Scot, "What do you call a Mulligan in
Scotland?" "We call it hitting 3."

      *********

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron
standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your
husband?"

"Yes," says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her
hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times... just put me down for a five."

      *********

A guy walks up to a beautiful woman in a shopping mall. "Excuse me" he says
"But I've lost my wife here somewhere and I can't find her.

Could you please help me?"

"What do you need me to do?" asks the woman.

"Just stand here and talk to me" the man replies.

"How's that going to help?" she asks.

"No idea really... but every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours,
my wife appears out of nowhere."